Stressful times only getting more stressful

As time goes I start to get more and more stressed about making college decisions, and the uncertainty of not knowing where I'll get accepted is stressing. Applying for colleges has turned out to be a bigger task than I thought it would be, and it doesn't help when you're totally stumped on what to do. I don't really know what I'm doing, and I wish I had more help at home. It's kind of frustrating applying for school, and your parents not being able to guide you when you need them. I can't really blame my parents, but sometimes it’s so easy to. I feel the stress of going to college even higher because I will be the first in my family to attend. My parents have high expectations for my college plans, and I'm scared I won’t meet them.

Writing lately has also become a difficult task. I can’t seem to put my thoughts into words, and it's terrifying to know that my writing will have such a great effect on my college acceptance. I'm scared that they won’t like what I say, or if what I said is the same as everyone else. Even while writing my personal statement I feel myself lost for words. I have all these ideas in my head that soon get lost with all the other things happening in my life.  My mom tells me not to stress out about it, but she doesn't understand the pressure that has been placed on my shoulders.

 It has also been very confusing and stressful having to determine a major. I have an idea of what I want to study, but then I start to think about everything else that’s possible and I’m back in the same spot. I know I shouldn’t be second guessing my dreams and aspirations, but it’s so hard when you’ve had people telling you you’re dreaming too big or that you’re not smart enough.  I know I shouldn’t pay attention to those people, but it’s hard not too when you’re already doubting yourself.

I know that ultimately I shouldn’t stress out about college because what happens will happen.  I’m just hoping that wherever I end up going I will be happy and comfortable. These next few months will definitely be stressful, but I’ll live through them. For now I’ll have to worry about not slacking off and doing well in all my classes.